post 4

I spent some time away with a friend in another state and now I am home. I liked being away. I didn’t want to come back. Now that I’m back I’m not feeling well again. Maybe I’m just stressed out. I got my eye twitch back and it’s worse; apparently it’s stress related. I just feel bad again. I don’t want to go back to school but I don’t want summer to stay. I just don’t want to be anywhere. Can I be nowhere?

unfitstate:

"how senseless death, how precious life…" - La Dispute
By Cecie Gent (unfitstate) 
*****DO NOT REMOVE CREDIT OR REPOST WITH OUT CREDIT*****

unfitstate:

"how senseless death, how precious life…" - La Dispute

By Cecie Gent (unfitstate) 

*****DO NOT REMOVE CREDIT OR REPOST WITH OUT CREDIT*****

(via ropespluslegion)

dreadful-secrets:

scars-are-secrets:

Black and white advice blog, I follow back similar blogs x

depression blog. follow back similar x

dreadful-secrets:

scars-are-secrets:

Black and white advice blog, I follow back similar blogs x

depression blog. follow back similar x

(Source: makemestfu, via shiberus-shinnin)

I just saved someone’s life.

post 3

So today got better aside from the last text post below which I wrote while absolutely hysterical. I didn’t do it though. 
I finally got away. It’s only for four days but I feel better already; I hope it stays but I have a feeling it won’t. I just need time away from everything for a little bit… possibly forever.

I’d be cutting myself right now if I could.

post 2

Is it a real feeling to feel better but worse? Is that a plausible thing to say? Now that I’ve told my two best friends about this blog I feel like I’ve lost my secret outlet, but I guess maybe it’ll be a good thing. I just hope it doesn’t turn into to a “I saw your post are you okay?” Because the truth is that this is my brain basically all the time, and I don’t know why. I really don’t. I don’t know why I’m like this. I feel like I’m making progress but also regressing. I’m so detached from everything. I spent a day with my best friend feeling like an empty shell, like I wasn’t really there. Lately I don’t know what to say or how to act, that’s never been a problem before. I don’t text back people that I WANT to talk to. Everything has just lost my interest. Is that what depression is? My Mom said my Dad is getting depressed, I can’t tell if it’s the chemo or if the reality of his cancer is finally setting in. I’m hoping whatever has been wrong with me just stops. I don’t want them to take me to a therapist or a shrink.

As I see this picture it triggers the memory of the dream which it caused. Everyone was running from me looking at me as if I were a monster, and I would look down to see the dark shadow looming over me, consuming me again. It told me horrible things and I couldn’t be rid of it no matter how hard I tried. It was eating away at me. I tried to explain but no one would listen. Everything is blurry from there, but as of now this picture is a little terrifying to me. I have nightmares almost every time I dream, but this is truly horrific in my memory.

As I see this picture it triggers the memory of the dream which it caused. Everyone was running from me looking at me as if I were a monster, and I would look down to see the dark shadow looming over me, consuming me again. It told me horrible things and I couldn’t be rid of it no matter how hard I tried. It was eating away at me. I tried to explain but no one would listen. Everything is blurry from there, but as of now this picture is a little terrifying to me. I have nightmares almost every time I dream, but this is truly horrific in my memory.

(Source: ameanjenn, via marquisde-sad)

post 1

I’d love to tell everyone that i’m doing fine, but I’m not. I’m just past the point of talking about it to the people I know; whats the point of you telling me I’m beautiful and wonderful and that I will be okay time and time again if i still don’t believe it. All that does is remind me of what I’m not. It just makes the fire stronger. I hadn’t harmed since may, when I broke down in a friends arms crying with bloody hands, I thought that was the end, I kept telling my self that I was okay over and over but apparently not enough. It was last Friday when I did it again, so angry that I couldn’t help it. I used a metal screw to scratch away at my hip but no matter how hard it dug or how many times i did it I couldn’t make myself bleed even though the skin was broken. I guess its a blessing that I didn’t, it was one of the least bad times. I’ve just realized how little worth my life actually has. I have two active friends in my life, my  grades are shit, people still tell me I’m ugly… I just don’t know what to do. I could tweet that I wanted to die and no one would bother to respond. no one. The last thing I want to do is trigger other people with what I say, your life is SO valuable to me, when it isn’t to anyone else. if there’s anyone out there, anyone at all, I’d like to talk.